2012 begins with a bang!! lol Story of my life ..... I started School today to get my High School only after about 24 years lol This could be interesting to say the least! I woke up this morning with my head held high and spoke a few words of encouragement to myself before i walked out the door!! Walked into a classroom of one young fella there!! Wow this was gonna be fun i thought to myself!!lol anyhow the instructor is wonderful!! Very helpful ! Im sure i will see decimals in my sleep tonight!! lol Then on my hour lunch i sauntered over to visit my dad! And with that visit came an unexpected conversation which i hadnt expected! Because im not quite sure as to who can see this blog or who might share it , i will not go into deal of my conversation , that and because it was a very personal conversation as well! I will say this! No Child ever wants to have a conversation like that with a parent they love so dearly!! My Day was ruined! I returned to class struggling to hold back tears , and faught to get myself together and get through the day!!The drive home was like slow motion for me , I could barely see through tears! all the while talking to god and asking him if there was a remote chance he was going to put my dad through another test of time!! Was he that cruel? and if so? how ever would myself and my sister survive this? how would we live? as i write this with tear filled eyes and trembling hands like theres no tomorrow, I Hate myself for feeling what i feel! how dare i cry? how dare i feel heartache and pain.When the man i love and cherish and admire and respect like no other is going through what he is going through, the fear and the unknowing of what is to come would be enough to do me in! But not my dad! My dad told me today that us girls & Jonathan, Myself My sister and my daughters and my granddaughter and my nephew were the only things keeping him alive! that we were so much better for him than any medicine could ever be!! Dear god please dont do this again! If i had the oppertunity to take his place i would in a heart beat, I WOULD! My dad gives a whole new meaning to the perfect Man! unlike myself with so many flaws and inperfections, But i am my dads daughter which means i know i have good blood running through my veins! Dad said today i was just like him when it came to being stubborn!lol and because it came from Dad! i will cherish that forever! "Just like my dad i will be" I believe i have a good heart like my dad as well! So on that note im here to stirr for the evening and going to try to process the days events in hopes maybe it was just a dream!! My writing i find releases alot for me, there is no thought to my writing , my fingers just go!! If and when i shall ever die, i truly hope someone copies my posts and makes sure my family gets them , becuase it will only be then that people will realize just how i thought , what made me tick , and the fact that YES Pam had a heart and allot of Feeling! And i loved my family with every ounce of my being!! Until i write again ...
