So Im back with a bit to say i guess...
This time last year was a very sad time for myself and my sister, my Dad was doing his Treatment for his throat cancer and things just werent the same to say the least, my dad is doing much better and im so looking forward to having him healthier this year so he can enjoy Christmas!! On another note In not doing all that shit hot, still the doctors have no idea whats causing my legs to just stop working out of the blue and cause so much pain, i have missed so much work , and im just miserable! And it upsets me so much because i have so much to be thankful for and so much to be happy about, My dads doin good, i have a beautiful new grand-daughter and a new home close to my sister which i get to see all the time and my nephew that i love to death! BUT i just feel so terrible all the time it seems! Last night was the worst night of my life with the pain!I know its terrible to say but i almost wished i had of dropped dead! the pain was so intense! i dont want to live like this, i want to enjoy life a bit!! im 37 and i feel like a 100 , Not to mention im more than likely gonna lose my job which i need so much! I see a specialist in the morning and will say im nervous as hell! and scared to death!last night i layed and thought to myself that i didnt want to die! thats how bad i hurt! i dont want to leave my kids and family!! BUT at the same time im not scared of dying! there will be peace & calmness! but i cant imagine leaving my family or putting them through the loss, i just hope the dr finds out whats wrong with me and its not so bad!! but whatever comes my way i will deal with it !! with my FAMILY! so on that note im off to bed !! so til we meet again! xox
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