~~ The Urge To Write ~~

Just had the urger to write tonight, So many things running through my head lately i guess, The pains of being a new home owner, dealing with My oldest daughter moving out west with my grandaughter, my heart hurts just typing those words! I know my relationship with my oldest has never been perfect by no means, But shes is and will always be my daughter! through good and bad!and the thoughts of her Moving across canada rips my heart apart! but i guess she has to do what she has to do! I Just wish we got along better. on another note The Last of my Grampie Henderson's Brothers have pasted away at the ripe age of 72, apparently people think he had Cancer and just never told anyone , So Sad. the word Cancer to me is a dreadfull word.I worry that someday i will have it , and just what will i do? will i want people to know? would i want to burden my family with that? I dont know? All i can say is please let me go before my children.The heartache and pain i feel with them just being out on there own and living there own lives hurts enough.My head tonight is filled with so many thoughts, im all over the place, mad .... sad... very emotional, yet without alot of happiness ? why i wonder? i have my health , my family , my home, my job, what more can a woman ask for ? The feeling of having an empty space in life, with something missing, just unsure as to what it is ! the feeling of always just making due! just getting by! pretending to be happy when in all honestly im just miserible! miserible with in i guess, is that normal? how do i fix it ? how do i fix me ? is it my age? am i just getting old now and everything little thing in life bothers me? i cry, i cry for no reason, driving down the Hanwell rd today on my way home from work, just crying, wiping my tears as if someone had died! it was a feeling of loss, was it because my Grampies uncle had passed? hmm maybe? but i didnt find out until tonight.... strange but you never know.Its hard to say what makes some people tick you know, i find know that im getting older my alot more senistive about things, i find myself looking at things more such as the river as i cross the bridge in the morning with the fog just lifting, or the person parked beside me waiting for the light to turn green , wondering whats goin on in his or hers life that would make them look so sad? or the the girl in the back seat, wondering if shes loved enough, or if shes hungry, just strange things i guess! i think more! As i sit here and i type im thinking about all the people i have lost in the last few years, or almost losing my dad to Cancer! im just so overwelmed with life i guess! always wondering whats next? waiting for the other boot to drop! or a phone call with bad news of some sort! so scared all the time that something terrible is goin to happen to my girls or my family! and i mean all the time! i worry about my Tasha Driving, i worry about Tiffany being stressed over motherhood, i worry about my sister and what she worrys about, i worry about my mom not taking care of herself, i worry about my dad getting sick , i worry about my husband driving truck , i worry about my grandaughter all the time about everything! i worry about my boy Jonathan all the time just silly stuff i know but i worry!and writing this im seeing that i worry alot!! see writing is good therapy! i feel lifted all ready! well on that note i will go to bed ! til we meet again!!lolol