Just home from work and now the flood gates have opened,I have been trying to put it in the back of mind now for a few days, thinking maybe Feb 1st will just pass, But this morning i woke up realizing it wasnt going too! My Youngest baby is on her way to real life! Life without Mom! She will be moving out with her boyfriend into there own place! Im happy but more Sad and scared! For the last almost 23 years of my life i have devoted all that i have to my girls! it pretty much had been just us 3 for most of them years! I was never alone! and always needed, When my oldest moved out i took it hard! but now that my youngest baby is going! Its even harder for me to swallow! my heart hurts!I know in my heart that i have raised two beautiful smart children, who have the whole world in there hands and can do anything they put there minds and heart into.
Almost 23 years ago i had made a choice to have my oldest and raise her on my own , and it was rough! almost 19 years ago i made the choice again to raise my youngest with my oldest alone as a single mom! I knew that having 2 children by the time i was 19 was going to be a rough and bumpy road! But i did all by myself without fathers for my girls, and without a red cent from anyone for support! i did it !! they were my girls! they were and forever will be my life! i have devoted my whole life to them! Now i will be alone without them after 23 years! how do i do that? As i sit and try to type this i find it hard to see the keyboard because my tears just will not stop falling! the thoughts of now both my girls being on there own scares me to death! Some pleople say consider this a good thing, its now your time, well my time for what? I always knew this day would come , just not this fast, back when i was younger and struggling to get throught life raising two children alone i had often said to myself " I can not wait til the day comes they can look after themselfs" Ughh well the day is here! I know i have done a great job raising my girls, Not perfect i know , but daamn near!!lol i have made mistakes, and i have regrets, but i have never ever regretted having my girls at 15 & 19 years old! having my girls when i did has made me the person i am today! without them i would of went down a terrible road! my girls gave me strength and courage to get through anything rough life would throw at me! they were and are my reason for breathing!without them i aam nothing! they have beem my soul purpose in life! I believe that everything happens for a reason , so i will never have regrets! Iknow my girls will be fine in this big ole world, because i believe i have given them the tools they need to survive! they know the rights and wrongs, they are just good girls! Question is ? will i be fine! maybe in time i supose! Maybe i will write a book , a book of my life! the struggles and hardships of a single mother! hmmmm migh just work! all my hardships have paid off! the outcome are my beautiful girls! and they were worth every bit ! As a young single mother i missed alot in life, Teen dances, movies, friends, graduating! shopping! all the things young girls should be doing! and there were points in my life where i just didnt know if i was going to be able to do it! all i had to do was look into one of those little faces and realize that they needed me to do it ! they needed me to make thingss work! I gave my kids the best i could!! so many Great Birthday parties! and so many wonderful Christmas's ! they were big things for me!! I always wanted to do it as big as i could , so when they grew up they would remember all those wonderfull times! Little do they know it , but we never had money! everything was a struggle , but i made a point for them to never see the struggles!! i think in there eyes they had everything they needed! with the exception of a Dad! and i couldnt control that! there fathers made there choice! so i was mom & dad! That would be my only regret! not giving my girls there dads! hope they can forgive me for that ! there was never a shortage of love! I know it sounds morbid but if i was to die Tomorrow it would be ok! because i have done my job! i raised my babies! So now i need to figure out whats next for me in this new Chapter of my life! almost 38 with two grown girls and a beautiful grandaughter! im still young! we will have to see!! but whatever is next im sure i can handle that too! and welcome change with open arms! but change is hard! I just hope my girls know how much i love them both! and how i want so much for them to have the very best life has to offer!! and to never ever settle for less then they deserve! So on that note i will end this , and wipe my tears and ready myself for Feb 1st to come when my baby goes out into this big ole world! wish me luck!
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