~~ Some many different thoughts running through my mind ~~
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Monday, July 6, 2009 at 12:21am Edit Note Delete
First thing that come to mind is LOSS!! i feel loss coming my way , i feel im losing things in my life, i feel im losing control of my life! im scared of loss too! im scared of losing people in my life! my first and for most scare is losing my children , the thought of my oldest baby moving away and i mean far away is ripping me apart inside, i have never been away from my children and if i was i can tell you for how long! maybe 2 weeks in total out of 21 years for my oldest daughter, and maybe a week with my youngest! i hope my daughter takes away with her things i have taught her , things i have told her about life, i want my daughter to be the best she can at whatever she chooses to do in her life, as i already know life at times can be hard, and well this is just going to be another test for me !! i know i have raised a beautiful and smart and bright strong willed daughter!! i have always wanted my girls to be able to do the things in life that i missed out on , and well i guess that time is coming!! ~~ Momma's gotta let her baby fly~~ i just want her to know , and i know she does, that what ever troubles or hard times may come her way in this life, I'M HERE!! My kids are my life!!! and i have always said without them i am nothing!!!! shes not gone yet and i cant stand it already!! I worry about My Tash and how she will handle not having her sister here, they may fight and bicker, but the bond between sisters is like no other! i know it will be hard, and i pray so strongly that this will get easier with time, but in my heart i dont think it will!! but i do want my Tiff to live her life to the fullest!! i want that for both my girls!! they are my everything!! i have raised my babies on my own for almost 21 years!! and i must say they are the ONLY thing i have ever gottin right in my LIFE!! through good times and bad!! they have been my constant! Now on to other thoughts!Today I went to visit my Nan Henderson for her Birthday , and i must say it was short and sweet , but it was nice!! i dont spent alot of time with My Dads side of the family and that saddens me ! there are some kids in the family i wouldnt know if i fell over them , but it was nice today to get together with them! anyhow, as i sat on the porch i used to sit on as a child, i watched my Dad pull my nephew on a ride on lawn tractor, like my grampie once did for myself and my sister, as i sat in the wagon behind the tractor and dad pulled myself and my nephew through the field of grass and by passing the old apple trees i once played in , it brought back so many nice memories of the past, when my grampie loved to play with us!! my dad is so much like my grampie , a good man ! the best you will ever find in this lifetime , im so glad that my boy which is my nephew will have memories like i did as a child with his grampie!! my dad loves his grandchildren so much! as he does myself and my sister! without my family i would be lost!!my family is everything to me! Theres so much more i could write but its mostly depressing!! to be honest! i could go on and on forever about the things in my life right now that are wearing me down , but wont! i will save it for another rainy day!! but i will say this, i will be going to bed tonight and saying a prayer and thanking god for the people and things i do have in my life that mean so much to me !! So until then Good night!
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