Well not alot to say other than it was a long long night, had a phone call with Dad froom Saint John which was upsetting , apparently they kept him again last night because now he has a infection !! the sound and shutter in his voice upsets me so much , he tries to reasure me things are gonna me ok , and hes a tough nut which i know, and tells me i need to be tough and strong , which im finding so hard to be right now, i feel the weekest i have ever felt in my life! i was driving home yesterday and my belly started to growl you know when your hungry and ya hurt! i found myself telling myself to succk it up!! im sure i can deal with a hungry stomach!! and how dare i complain about that when dads going through this! i almost wanted to try to starve myself to see how much of the pain i could stand like my dad is right now~~ Then i go to bed and turn the tv on and theres a show on with this poor woman dying of cancer!! begging the doctors to let her die! So i think to myself is my dad in pain like that ? is he feeling this bad? would my dad want to ever give up on life if he couldnt stand the pain anylonger? all this scares me so much ! i just want to feel normal again! no tears, no heartache, no chills , No worries!! No pain! Work right now is my Salvation!!!!!!!!!!!!! So im off to work!!