~~ Just Thoughts Again ~~

Laying here in bed with my laptop and had the urge to write on my feelings today....
Today has been a thinking day for me , Thinking about the future, and asking myself over and over as i scrub a tub or make a bed the question? Am i happy? am i happy in my life? am i happy in my marriage? hmm good question ? The anwser right here and right now is NO! im far from happy and to be honest just truly miserable ! there i said it just miserable! Now if i could tell the man i married how i feel!! Honestly he more than likey wouldnt even have a reaction because me and my life and my feelings is of no importance to him! thats how i feel and i believe thats how it is , if everything doesnt have to do with him , or interest him , he doesnt care! its all about him ! if i was to write a list of questions about me , i would bet you $100 he couldnt anwser them! Sad i know ! but this is my life right now ! will this change more than likely not , because i have learned from years of experiance with men , THEY JUST DONT CHANGE! so this is my dilema~ how do i fix this this ? or can i ? or do i even want too? im just tired~~ im tired of his selfishness, and his all about him attitude! what about PAM what about what makes me happy? what about my feeling? what about the things i want in general? What about me ?
I guess i am Jaded! and jinxed when it comes to relationships! maybe i was suppose to always be alone ! some people spend there whole lives alone! i never wanted to be like that! but at the same time i dont want to live a life of being miserable and pretending to be happy to the people on the outside looking in ! Im writing this knowing my husband will never read this because he has no interest in what i do or write about , he knows i write in here , but has never asked about what i write about , i told him once he should read it and he might learn something about his wife ! and well he has yet to read it im sure! he just doesnt care!
You can have family and friends, and children to lean on , to talk to , but still................................
Feel so alone ...................................
wanting to run..................................
Wanting to disappear........................